About 37% of young people between the ages of 12 and 17 have been bullied online. 30% have had it happen more than once.
95% of teens in the U.S. are online, and the vast majority access the internet on their mobile device, making it the most common medium for cyber bullying.
23% of students reported that they’ve said or done something mean or cruel to another person online. 27% reported that they’ve experienced the same from someone else.
Instagram is the social media site where most young people report experiencing cyberbullying, with 42% of those surveyed experiencing harassment on the platform.
Young people who experience cyberbullying are at a greater risk than those who don’t for both self-harm and suicidal behaviors.
83% of young people believe social media companies should be doing more to tackle cyberbullying on their platforms.
60% of young people have witnessed online bullying. Most do not intervene.
Only 1 in 10 teen victims will inform a parent or trusted adult of their abuse.
4 out of 5 students (81%) say they would be more likely to intervene in instances of cyberbullying if they could do it anonymously.
A bully can turn something like going to the bus stop or recess into a nightmare for kids. Bullying can leave deep emotional scars. And in extreme situations, it can involve violent threats, property damage, or someone getting seriously hurt.
If your child is being bullied, you want to act to help stop it, if possible. You can help your child cope with teasing, bullying, or mean gossip, and lessen its lasting impact. And even if bullying isn't an issue right in your house right now, it's important to discuss it so your kids will be prepared if it does happen.
When Is it Bullying?
Most kids get teased by a sibling or a friend at some point. And it's not usually harmful when done in a playful, friendly, and mutual way, and both kids find it funny. But when teasing becomes hurtful, unkind, and constant, it crosses the line into bullying and needs to stop.
Bullying is intentional tormenting in physical, verbal, or psychological ways. It can range from hitting, shoving, name-calling, threats, and mocking to extorting money and possessions. Some kids bully by shunning others and spreading rumors about them. Others use social media or electronic messaging to taunt others or hurt their feelings. It's important to take bullying seriously and not just brush it off as something that kids have to "tough out." The effects can be serious and affect kids' sense of safety and self-worth. In severe cases, bullying has contributed to tragedies, such as suicides and school shootings.
Why Do Kids Bully?
Kids bully for a mix of reasons. Sometimes they pick on kids because they need a victim — someone who seems emotionally or physically weaker, or just acts or appears different in some way — to feel more important, popular, or in control. Although some bullies are bigger or stronger than their victims, that's not always the case. Sometimes kids torment others because that's the way they've been treated. They may think their behavior is normal because they come from families or other settings where everyone regularly gets angry and shouts or calls each other names. Some popular TV shows even seem to promote meanness — people are "voted off," shunned, or ridiculed for their appearance or lack of talent.
What Are the Signs of Bullying?
Unless your child tells you about bullying — or has visible bruises or injuries — it can be hard to know if it's happening. But there are some warning signs. Parents might notice kids:
acting differently or seeming anxious
not eating, not sleeping well, or not doing the things they usually enjoy
seem moodier or more easily upset than usual
avoiding certain situations (like taking the bus to school)
If you suspect bullying but your child is reluctant to open up, find ways to bring up the issue. For instance, you might see a situation on a TV show and ask, "What do you think of this?" or "What do you think that person should have done?" This might lead to questions like: "Have you ever seen this happen?" or "Have you ever experienced this?" You might want to talk about any experiences you or another family member had at that age.
Let your kids know that if they're being bullied or harassed — or see it happening to someone else — it's important to talk to someone about it, whether it's you, another adult (a teacher, school counselor, or family friend), or a sibling.
What Can Parents Do?
If your child tells you about being bullied, listen calmly and offer comfort and support. Kids are often reluctant to tell adults about bullying because they feel embarrassed and ashamed that it's happening, or worry that their parents will be disappointed, upset, angry, or reactive.
Sometimes kids feel like it's their own fault, that if they looked or acted differently it wouldn't be happening. Sometimes they're scared that if the bully finds out that they told, it will get worse. Others are worried that their parents won't believe them or do anything about it. Or kids worry that their parents will urge them to fight back when they're scared to.
Praise your child for doing the right thing by talking to you about it. Remind your child that they're not alone — a lot of people get bullied at some point. Explain that it's the bully who is behaving badly — not your child. Reassure your child that you will figure out what to do about it together.
In surveys, most kids and teens say that bullying happens at school. Let someone at school (the principal, school nurse, or a counselor or teacher) know about the situation. Often they can watch and take steps to prevent further problems.
"Bullying" can describe a wide range of situations, so there's no one-size-fits all approach. What works in one situation may not in another. Many things — such as the age of the kids involved, the severity of the situation, and the specific type of bullying behaviors — will help determine the best course of action.
Take it seriously if you hear that the bullying will get worse if the bully finds out that your child told or if threats of physical harm are involved. Sometimes it's useful to approach the bully's parents. But in most cases, teachers or counselors are the best ones to contact first. If you've tried those methods and still want to speak to the bullying child's parents, it's best to do so where a school official, such as a counselor, can mediate.
Most schools have bullying policies and anti-bullying programs. Also, many states have bullying laws and policies. Find out about the laws in your community. In some cases, if you have serious concerns about your child's safety, you may need to contact legal authorities.
Advice for Kids
Parents can help kids learn how to deal with bullying if it happens. For some parents, it may be tempting to tell a kid to fight back. After all, you're angry that your child is suffering and maybe you were told to "stand up for yourself" when you were young. Or you may worry that your child will continue to be bullied, and think that fighting back is the only way to put a bully in their place.
But it's important to advise kids not to respond to bullying by fighting or bullying back. It can quickly escalate into violence, trouble, and someone getting injured. Instead, it's best to walk away from the situation, hang out with others, and tell an adult. Here are some other ways kids can improve the situation and feel better:
Avoid the bully and use the buddy system. Use a different bathroom if a bully is nearby and don't go to your locker if nobody else is around. Make sure you have someone with you so that you're not alone with the bully. Buddy up with a friend on the bus, in the hallways, or at recess — wherever the bully is. Offer to do the same for a friend.
Hold the anger. It's natural to get upset by the bully, but that's what bullies thrive on. It makes them feel more powerful. Practice not reacting by crying or looking red or upset. It takes a lot of practice, but it's a useful skill for keeping off of a bully's radar. Sometimes kids find it useful to practice "cool down" strategies such as counting to 10, writing down their angry words, taking deep breaths, or walking away. Sometimes the best thing to do is to teach kids to keep their face calm until they are clear of any danger (smiling or laughing may provoke the bully). Holding the anger is not to be confused with harboring the anger which is a topic we'll discuss in building healthy coping strategies for life.
Act brave, walk away, and ignore the bully. Firmly and clearly tell the bully to stop, then walk away. Practice ways to ignore the hurtful remarks, like acting uninterested or texting someone on your cellphone. By ignoring the bully, you're showing that you don't care. Eventually, the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother you.
Tell an adult. Teachers, principals, parents, and lunchroom personnel at school can all help stop bullying.
Talk about it. Talk to someone you trust, such as a guidance counselor, teacher, sibling, or friend. They may offer some helpful suggestions. Even if they can't fix the situation, it may help you feel a little less alone.
Even within the safe premises of your home, your child can be cyber bullied by someone else.
Cyber bullying can have severe – even deadly – consequences. While some victims may be able to successfully recover from his or her sufferings, there are also others who suffer in silence and choose to take their own lives to end the pain. Hence, it is important to educate your child about cyber bullying.
Here are some common forms of cyber bullying:
Harrassment Harassment occurs when the bully sends offensive and threatening messages via electronic forms of communication to his or her target. Multiple people may even gang up to send thousands of messages to the victim at once.
Impersonation Impersonation is when someone creates a fake profile in another person’s name or hacks into another person’s account. The cyber bully pretends to be his or her victim online, and tarnishes the victim’s reputation.
Flaming Flame wars involve the repeated exchanges of “angry, rude, or obscene [electronic] messages” between individuals.(3).
Denigration Denigration is an attempt to damage the victim’s reputation or ruin the friendships he or she has, by spreading unfounded gossip or rumours online.
Exclusion Exclusion occurs when someone has been intentionally excluded or singled out from online group activities such as group conversations and multiplayer games.
Outing Outing occurs when the cyber bully uses technological means to publicly “[share] private information without permission with the intent to hurt” the victim (4).
Trickery The cyber bully may employ methods to trick his or her victim into believing “they are speaking in confidence with a close friend so that they share sensitive information”, such as secrets or humiliating information (5).Once the cyber bully has obtained the information, he or she will use it against the victim by publicly disseminating it to others, “in an attempt to shame the victim” (5). The two forms of cyber bullying – outing and trickery – often go hand-in-hand.
Cyber stalking Cyber stalking is a form of harassment. Victims usually receive threatening and intimidating electronic messages from cyber bullies. Victims may often start to believe “the intimidator can move offline and harm them physically,” causing them to be overly suspicious of their surroundings as well (6).
Tips for parents
Be aware of the different forms of cyber bullying and educate your child about them. Use the list above to detect potential cases of cyber bullying effectively when your child shares his or her online activities with you.
If your child shows visible signs of distress, ask him or her to look through the list to identify a possible source of tension.
Dealing with bullying and cyber-bullying can hurt a child's confidence. To help rebuild it, encourage your kids to spend time with friends who have a positive influence. Cyberbullying is a complex landscape and social media exasperates the issues to extremities. Participation in clubs, sports, or other enjoyable activities builds strength and friendships.
Provide a listening ear about tough situations, but encourage your kids to also tell you about the good parts of their day, and listen attentively. Make sure they know you believe in them and that you'll do what you can to address any bullying.